My babysitter Sandy would forever be the prototype of the kind of women that I would be attracted to. Tall, jet-black hair, big breasted and that not too tan, not too milky soft white skin. Even at such a young age I knew she was special. She had that swagger that made men do double takes. I loved her. I wanted to be part of her life. She was the bad girl that men love to hate.
It was a few days before we would be leaving for the states. My mom was getting things ready for our move and needed someone to take care of me for the day. She called Sandy, my babysitter. Not long afterwards the doorbell rang. It was her! The woman that I was going to marry when I grew up had arrived. My heart raced with joy as I ran to open the door to greet her. She was going to take care of me. Just me!
As she walked in, my mom was walking out and reached down to give me a hug. She tells me to behave while she's gone. Behave? I was going to do more than behave! I was going to tell Sandy that she had to move with us. I had a plan. She could live with us and take care of me, and when I grew up, she could marry me. I had to let her know that I wasn't just the little boy she took care of on the weekends. I had to make her realize that one day I would be big too. How could she refuse such a well thought out plan? It was perfect!
Later that evening, I went out to the porch. In my hand were markers and cardboard paper. I wanted my friends to have something to remember me by, so I was going to make some cards and drawings for them. I asked her to help me write them. As we wrote my last card, I asked Sandy if she could come live with us. She softly grabbed my hand and with a light smile let me know that she wasn't able to go, but that she would always remember me.
My heart sank. I was so sure that she would go. After all, it was the perfect plan. I was going to marry her. I looked her in the eyes and with all the love I had for her, I said "I always want to remember you. Give me something that will always remind me of you". She asked what I wanted. I told her that I wanted a kiss from her. I explained that I had never kissed a girl before and that she could show me. She would be my first real kiss and I would always remember her.
She looked at me for a long deep thoughtful moment. When she finally spoke, she said "okay". With one hand she cupped the back of my neck and brought her face in close to mine. Our lips touched. With her other hand she gently shook my jaw back and forth. My lips parted and I felt the warmth of her tongue ease its way into my mouth. She pulled back for a moment. I thought that was it. I was happy with what she had given me.
She told me I needed a little practice and that I should relax and loosen up my mouth a little bit. My head was spinning. I felt weak and exhilarated all at the same time. All I could focus on was on what had just happened. In between lost thoughts I heard her say "when we kiss again". Again? "to slide my tongue along with hers". This time it was me that was moving in. Our lips pressed, I was ready. I kissed her back as furiously as she kissed me.
After that night I never saw Sandy again. On the day my family was leaving, I ran to her house. I wanted to say goodbye and give her a card. This card was special. I had made it just for her. Her mom answered the door and said that she was still at school. Tears welled up in my eyes before she even got to finish the sentence. I was heartbroken. I just wanted to see her one last time. She let me know that I was Sandy's favorite little friend. With every word she spoke my heart got heavier and it gave my tears the permission they had needed to run freely. It was no comfort to hear her say Sandy would be very sad that she didn't get to say goodbye.
I still remember Sandy.
